One of those days that just tests you

Ever come home and literally crash onto the couch because you just feel the day has drained everything out of you? All energy, hope, passion, and motivation? Obviously I am experiencing that at the moment. I think that many people can relate when I say that when you get an idea in your head and find the motivation and courage to go after, only to have every attempt fall in on itself, it is one of the most devastating feelings. It causes you to second-guess yourself. Causes you to think, "Well, if it is this hard, maybe I am just not meant to do it." I'll admit.. it happens. The thoughts do come into my mind. And they do stay there and pester me. The hopelessness and fear strangles me and I sit here wondering if I am ever going to breathe again.

And then I just take a deep breath. I think about everything that happened today, and yes, nothing went exactly the way I wanted, but there is one accomplishment: I got through it. I survived the day. I got one step closer to where I am going. A small step, maybe, but a step none the less. And guess what.. tomorrow is another day and another step.

If you can accept one thing early on to make your life so much easier, you such accept that life does not happen on your time. You can sit down and make up a very detailed itinerary of how you would like to next year, month, or week to go and God (or the universe, whatever you choose to believe) is going to simply laugh at you. We do not control the things that happen to us. We only control what we do about it. How we react to it and how we let it affect us. So guess what that means.. YOU are in control of your happiness! Don't like something? Change it. Don't like the view out your window? Move. It won't be easy and it sure as hell won't happen overnight, but you can dig down and make the decision. Then you just have to stick to it.

That is where we are at right now. The sticking to it stage. And let me tell you, it sucks. It's uncertain and frustrating. But there's a light somewhere at the end of the tunnel. And until I get there, I'll just concentrate on letting my eyes adjust to the darkness.